LinkedIn Humor

In a half-hearted attempt to keep my professional wheels spinning forward, I've been trying to better maintain my LinkedIn profile.  Update it here and there, add a new photo even maybe.  Or...holy crap...even update my skills.  I know, the horror, right? I have no idea if it really matters, but it's keeping me busy on some minute level. If my brain is occupied, then my heart is not.  Which equates to less hurt, less heartache, less frequent outbursts of tears.  And I'm tired of crying and hurting and generally feeling like ass, so it has to help.  

But each and every fucking time I log in to LinkedIn, the first thing it asks me is if I know O.  And that perhaps I should "connect" with him.  Ha. Sure, I'd love to connect with him.  I'd love to ask him how he's doing, what he's been up to since we last "connected." Is he happy, sad, upset, thrilled with life?  Yes, all those questions and so many more. But I can't.  Or more accurately, he can't. 

 LinkedIn has a very dark and fucked up sense of humor, clearly. Do I "know" O?  Sure I do.  We've worked, played, argued, imagined, hoped and dreamed together.  But do I really know O?  No fucking clue.

I know I can hit the little "x" button and clear his name from the top of the suggestion list of people to connect with.  And each time, my finger hovers over it for a half second.  I know that maybe I should.  But I can't and I don't.  For a thousand reasons I don't.  

I guess I don't because I still hope.  Still hope that one day I will connect with O.  That he can share with me all the fucked up shit that went down.  The reasons why he just bolted from my life.  The good and the bad, all of it, every last fucking little bit.  I do still hope, every day.

So thanks LinkedIn, for your totally dark sense of humor, as I wipe away the tears and smile through the pain.