My honest journey back into kink
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
The Promise of a Dream
Yes, I dreamt of you again last night. I admit it's been quite a while since you took top billing in my nocturnal state, but yet, there you were like you had never left. In my dream you had returned, you knocked on my door, asked to come in, and we talked and talked. You told me everything that you've ever needed to tell me. And I listened for a long time. Then I woke. And when I woke, it was with such promise, such hope...maybe that's what propelled me to call you this afternoon. I knew in my gut that you wouldn't answer, but I couldn't shake my dream from my head and my heart. So in that blindly hopeful way that I often have, I called. I have to admit, I did have that butterfly-y feeling in my stomach, thinking that maybe, just maybe, you'd pick up. I don't know why I felt that, but I did. I guess that's the hope talking.
I am so many things on any given day. I am sad, angry, happy, hopeful, confused, hurt. Sometimes I experience two wildly different emotions within the same breath. It's fucked up, really. But then again, your silence is fucked up as well.
I still cry, though maybe a tad less than early November. I am still wracked with confusion and pain. I still miss you, despite whatever and everything. But mostly I am simply sad. Sad that you value relationships so little that you can do this to someone that you once professed to care so deeply about. Sad that I believed (and despite how fucked up it is, still do) you when you said I could always trust you to catch me, protect me, keep me safe. So many times I asked you, told you that we could stop "this" and you assured me there was no reason to stop. Til there was, but still no reason.
I just fucking miss you, you asshole. I miss your voice, your smart ass comments. Your refusal to accept my crazy shit. I miss your swagger, your slaps on my ass, the ponytail-pulling. I miss dreaming big dreams, and making lists of toys for each other. I miss hearing your sexy growl when you cum. I miss the feeling of my pussy, wet from just the thought of you. I miss all of you, you fucking piece of shit. And that sucks.
I am so many things on any given day. I am sad, angry, happy, hopeful, confused, hurt. Sometimes I experience two wildly different emotions within the same breath. It's fucked up, really. But then again, your silence is fucked up as well.
I still cry, though maybe a tad less than early November. I am still wracked with confusion and pain. I still miss you, despite whatever and everything. But mostly I am simply sad. Sad that you value relationships so little that you can do this to someone that you once professed to care so deeply about. Sad that I believed (and despite how fucked up it is, still do) you when you said I could always trust you to catch me, protect me, keep me safe. So many times I asked you, told you that we could stop "this" and you assured me there was no reason to stop. Til there was, but still no reason.
I just fucking miss you, you asshole. I miss your voice, your smart ass comments. Your refusal to accept my crazy shit. I miss your swagger, your slaps on my ass, the ponytail-pulling. I miss dreaming big dreams, and making lists of toys for each other. I miss hearing your sexy growl when you cum. I miss the feeling of my pussy, wet from just the thought of you. I miss all of you, you fucking piece of shit. And that sucks.
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